Monday, June 27, 2011

Well, THAT certainly was not what I was expecting adoption to achieve.

So what's this all been about?
We're home.
For 2 months now.
 We are attached, 
I feel fairly comfortable saying.
We are adjusted,
meaning most nights most people sleep all night long in their own beds.
It's done, pretty much.
She's here.
She's ours.
She's awesome.

It feels a little like walking off a pier and never hitting water.
Now we feel a little bit in limbo.
Life CANNOT go back to normal.
how could it, after what we've seen and known?
We long for Africa.
We enjoy life here, don't get me wrong:
the kids have bestest buddies - they swim at the Y- we have glorious air conditioning- etc.
But we long for Africa.
Friends of mine still bogged down in thier present struggle just to get their kids HOME to America
live a very different reality.
But MY reality - MY dream is to trade places one day.
And for Africa to be my Home.
And it's not about discontentment.
It's not about: "I need another emotional high."
It's not about: "I need to adopt more and more and more right away."
It's not about: "I can do more - I will do more - I will do the most!"
It's not even about adoption.
It's not about my kids at all or how many there are.
It's not even about our future as a family and what's best.
It's not about God's heart for the orphan.

It's about 

Where we've been, spiritually speaking---
where God has taken us and taught us about faith and diligently following Him even when we were bewildered and confused and hurting---
what He has shown us ---

is that ultimately all of that was NOT a result of Rissa's adoption. 

Adoption was the conduit through which God
 broke us
taught us
pulled us close
and lifted our eyes.
ALL of what God's been doing in our hearts was a result of OBEDIENCE.
We OBEYED through God's grace. 

So, we are going to keep on obeying.

For the moment that means raising my children well,
"washing them in the Word",
homeschooling for all I'm worth,
pouring it out for those around me,
finding rest in Him bringing ministry to my doorstep,
and recognizing He is pacing us.

For now obedience means having just a dream...
of Africa.
Obedience is remembering this adoption
 which has taught us that 
even when it feels like I am just walking
there's a moving sidewalk under my feet.

God is moving the Earth under me, directing my steps
pointing me
leading me
correcting my missteps
pulling me through countless doorframes and windowpanes
towards the dream He has put in me.

And being still.
It's what I obey.
 For now.

Monday, June 6, 2011

***Africa*** Part 4 -- The End and The Beginning

This should be "The End of Our African Adventure to Adopt Our Daughter".

Should be, but it's Not The End of Anything.

It's Another Beginning.

There were not enough days in Uganda for us.
If the boys could have joined us we could have happily stuck around for a good deal longer.
Becoming African suited us.

Now, to be sure:
mosquito nets are not glamorous...
the heat is noteworthy...
and the food can be challenging for an American palate...
but truthfully

We dug it.
We began to become African.

We met courageous people.
We saw unadorned and sursprising beauty.
We realized perpetual, mountainous need.

Our eyes were opened.

Our goals are changed.

Our lives are shifting.

Africa will not leave us now.

I see Africa in my child's face
I hear Africa in scatters of music
I sense Africa in little ways constantly.

And I we miss it.


Could we be satisfied now?
Could we tell God we will just serve Him here
(and be quite comfortable, incidentally)
and take family portraits with my little girl FINALLY added into the mix?
Could we be content to send money to people in Africa?
Could we please just get over all of this life-shifting,
revolutionary stuff?

This is no longer the question.

Why would we ever want to be satisfied with this again?

I can't tell what is ahead but I will tell you this:
There is just no telling what comes next.

Stay Tuned.