Monday, March 21, 2011

Into the Dark

Okay - stay with me here.
First, we'll set the stage:
 it's 6AM. a few mornings ago. it's dark.
Ethan is up with Andrew and I.
It's almost-quiet in the house.
Coffee perking.
Troop whines around, asking someone tall to take him outside.
Daddy concedes, heading out the back sliding glass doors into the dark, humid, crickety world.
He beckons: "Ethan, want to come with me?"
Ethan is almost 4.
He has to stop first, true to form and tell me a few sentances before he can follow Daddy.
While he stammers his important words to me, his Daddy has gotten farther away into the dark.
He runs to the doorway to the open abyss of the dark morning backyard.
"Daddy? Who are you?"
"Adorable", I muse. "He said the wrong word. 'Who' instead of 'Where'."
I can barely make out Andrew's voice in the grassy distance but it's enough for Ethan.
He runs headlong into the dark.
And then I hear the Lord's whisper to me:

"Ethan didn't need to know WHERE His Daddy was.
He only needed to know WHO His Daddy is."

It's a light bulb moment.
I myself want a map for our future.
I want to know where my foot will fall is solid.
I want to know WHERE God is - WHERE we are going as we follow Him.
But God wants me to know WHO He is - WHO I am.

Why won't He just tell me, for Pete's sake?
Why can't He tell me when US Immigration will be completed?
Why won't He tell me when our court date will be?
Why won't He tell me myriad other details now?

Because...then...why would I listen for His voice in the dark?
Why would I run headlong into the dark?
I know me:
I wouldn't.


  1. I'm so glad you share your light bulb moments. Because they can become light bulb moments for other people. {Like me}

    -Was thinking about you yesterday. Life Action is coming to our church in May and they had some people come out and talk to our church yesterday. Brought back floods of memories for Dave. He is helping coordinate cars and such for the team members. - It kind of feels like a life time ago to him. :)

  2. Esty,

    This is so cool because just this morning, say thirty minutes ago, I read this:

    "Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading." --Oswald Chambers.

    So true. Thanks for sharing this. I'm always struck by the simplicity with which children see the world. It's no wonder Christ says to come to Him as children. Tess, my four year old, sometimes blows me away with the stuff that comes out of her mouth.

    Thinking of you! Lib.

  3. So true. If we know and trust WHO we are following, we are more apt to just grab that hand and go! Great reminder, Esty.

  4. I wouldn't either.
    Thanks for sharing your heart with me today. Your friendship is precious to me.

  5. Ahhh, yes! I need to know who He is so I can trust Him when I have to wonder into the dark when I hear His voice beckoning me to come. Very insightful. Thank you for sharing!